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Poll: Should I send the message?
You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
Yes. Carpe Diem! This makes total sense.
80.00%
4 80.00%
No. This reeks of desperation. ABORT NOW!
0%
0 0%
Other (Please specify)
20.00%
1 20.00%
Total 5 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

Choose my dating (mis)adventure!
#1
THE BACKGROUND
I'm seeking your (time-limited) advice on a matter where my emotional judgement may be impaired.
Random Fact: I used to visit these forums years ago, back when the background was yellow!

THE SITUATION
I'm interested in a guy (lets call him Chris) at work. I was able to start chatting with him (casually - we work in totally different areas) on a couple of occasions (perhaps 2-3 chats), and get a feel that he is a friendly guy. For various logistical reasons (he was moved to a different building) I now see him very rarely, and there is almost no opportunity for to have a serendipitous kitchen or elevator chat.
However, he came in for a meeting today, and I "happened" to take the elevator down for lunch at the same time as he headed back to his building with his team. We had a brief chat, in the elevator (in front of his team) that I'm only cringing a little at in retrospect, and then he was gone.

THE DILEMMA
I want to get to know him better, and ask him out to coffee.
I'm planning on sending a message to him on the internal company chat tomorrow along the lines of "Great to bump into you yesterday, would be awesome to chat more some time. Lets grab a coffee when you have time".

I can only send him a message is because a mutual colleague happened to mention his full name (we haven't exchanged full names in our brief chats).

I think this message would come across *much* better if I were to ask him in person. However, this requires an appropriate opportunity (which is definitely not "in an elevator, in front of his team") that I don't know will present itself anytime in the near future (IE, next 2-3 months).


THE ADVICE
Is this a good idea?

Yes. Carpe Diem! Your dating life isn't going to fix itself.
No. This reeks of desperation! Wait for the right opportunity to ask without looking like a total creep.
Other: Let me know.

Also, I'm aware that it is almost Christmas, and this poses additional complications (Will any coffee shops be open? Is he about to go on leave? I *am* about to go on leave!).
I will check in tomorrow morning (in about 8 hours), and hope to see an overwhelming consensus that either this is a great idea, or that I need to immediately discard this plan to avert a Christmas catastrophe.
[+] 1 user Likes Oblique's post
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#2
Send him a message:
"Nice seeing you again in the elevator the other day.  I wish you a Happy Christmas and all the best in the New Year."
Then let him suggest a coffee date if that suits him.
Or, if his response leaves an opening then you can suggest it.
Reply
#3
Do it. The worst he can say is no but at least you won’t have to wonder anymore! Or he could say yes…
Reply
#4
You don’t even say that he’s gay, so I’m guessing you don’t know?

If you had a plausibly valid reason for asking to meet him away from the office, then it would be safe to ask. Say, for example, that you were possibly interested in a move/ transfer, so you’d like to ask him about his department. (Of course, you might not want to say you’re looking to transfer out of your current position via company messaging. Your employer has access to all your communications.). If he agrees, then you can meet in person and suss out more about him then, before asking him out. But do make a credible show of your work-related excuse.
Reply
#5
Like it's been said above, firstly do you know he's gay and single??

I think you should send a friendly message to begin with, but don't ask him out, something like...

"I managed to track you down! Just wanted to say it was good to see you the other day, how's it going in the other building?" (or some other simple work related question, something that he'd be able to reply to without thinking too much)

Then if and when he replies then you could say "Fancy meeting up for a coffee"?

By the way, this post really filled my heart! Good luck Smile Heart
Reply
#6
THE OUTCOME
Sad
I sent a message along the lines of what I'd originally posted (and I mentioned something like "Let me know if you're up for coffee at some point").
I got no response. I'm assume this is him being weirded out that I've messaged him seemingly out of the blue.
Its probably going to be awkward if I bump into him again....

QUESTION AND ANSWER + FURTHER THOUGHTS
To answer some of the above questions - no idea if he is gay/single. I was kind of hoping that coffee in the work context would be a good excuse to socialise and get to know him a little without being considered a "date".

I do occasionally have coffee with acquaintances in a similar vein (though normally I get to know them much better before we go have coffee), and I think I'd convinced myself that I could play this in a similar way.

I did note (this morning before work) the suggestion to not ask him to coffee right off the bat, but I also thought that a random message that just said hello (without anything else), sounded odd (in retrospect, a random message with an offer of coffee sounds way worse).

Re: work related talking excuse - there isn't really much interaction between our teams, and I already used what contrived excuses I could come up with in my previous brief chats. Especially since there are other parts of his project team which happen to sit adjacent to mine (who I could presumably ask much more easily).

Andy - I really like your suggestion, because it addresses my main concern (that it would feel odd/creepy that I could message without him giving me his full name first), and because it has a nice casual tone. Unfortunately, I didn't see it until... now.

TAKEAWAY LESSON
If what you're doing seems in any way like passing a confessional letter /any other unsolicited note / anything remotely resembling this to someone you're interested in but doesn't really know you... don't do it.
Reply
#7
UPDATE
Let me just retract my Debbie Downer post yesterday. I take it back.
I got a response after all! (the next day)
He said yes! To coffee! Next year!
Cloud 9

The delay kind of makes me wonder if this response about being polite, but I think I'm just going to enjoy these feelings of delirious happiness while it lasts.

Your advice was on the mark after all!
The wisdom of these forums was never in doubt! Tongue

Thanks
Reply
#8
Approve

Don't make an agenda out of it. Also be content to have a new (platonic? straight?) friend if that's where it goes.
Reply
#9
Who doesn’t love some Christopher time?? Cloud 9

Be careful. He may not always be as friendly as he seems…
Reply
#10
It’s practically a green light for sending him a picture of your dick. Wink
Reply
#11
Aw I'm so happy that you have let us know updates etc. I was almost rooting for you to get a reply.
People who offer advice normally do so based on their own experiences/personality traits so bear this all in mind. Smile
I am of the mindset of not hanging around, playing the long haul game and just letting time drift by. You never know, he might be thinking exactly the same thing as you right now!
Faint heart never won fair maiden.
Keep us updated!
Reply
#12
Interesting .....
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