Social Isolation in your late 30s - why?!

[NDN1984]

I'm nearly 37, male and live in a small coastal town in North Somerset. At one point I had an active social life, but it's non-existence now through not being friends with a nasty woman and other factors. The only people I see on a regular basis is my own family and a neighbour who I see once or twice a month. On Facebook I put would anyone local I know want to meet up for a coffee. Not one response. Considering this is a small town, it's odd how you can lose touch. I'd understand Birmingham or London, but not here! I even offered to pay!

The thing is, my life is just helping my family either sorting out their ongoing housing issues or picking up my nephew from school once or twice a week in the neighbouring village my sister lives in. Adding to that, I'm gay but I am not into the gay scene or Drag Race. I'm more your football fanatic, laddish type. Plus I'm not into an agenda (my views are fairly average). I did do some voluntary work but that ended due to Covid and probably won't return ever again. Adding to that, I want a partner as I've been single for seven years due to my ex's death. The standard on the dating apps is low to non existent in my town and the city that neighbours us. I feel lonely. I do feel better I've lost a fair bit of weight and show off this new me. 

There's a part of me that wants to return to Birmingham, as I've got friends and some family up there. What shall I do?

[Jwb52z]

It's been almost impossible for most people with the pandemic up to this point, but if you're in a very rural place or a place far away from everything else, you have to make more of a physical effort when you try social media and it "fails", so to speak. You don't sound like you have very much of an option to go anywhere to change your circumstances because you have so many obligations to family. Some people have to choose in some cases which they want to do or maintain more, things for themselves or their outward lives and obligations to family. You just have to choose whatever option you have that you can live with and don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty about choosing whatever you do.

[Gmanunited85]

Bud covid has been a hard time for a lot of people. Maybe trying to reconnect with your mates in Birmingham is a good idea. And defo working or volunteering is good. Exercising or getting down the gym is great for your self esteem too. Be kind to yourself!!

[Luckydog2020]

I hope things work out for you.

Some good advice in comments above too ^

[westham1980]

Yes there are some good comments here - I think this is why I would find it difficult to leave London. There are so many things going on, hell my friend even joined up to go to learn how to pole dance. I'm not saying you want to do that (it's not very laddish!) but yeah you have so many other options. Don't just exist in life, go and find it. Find a purpose. Whether that is online learning courses, learning language etc but something you throw yourself into.
I hear you with the football etc. it's hard enough for me to find someone who is gay and into sports in a big way like I am, so I can imagine it's doubly difficult.
If you want to PM me and we can discuss football etc and start chatting, I really don't mind at all. I've no one else to talk about it!
Chin up and the fact you have posted on here means you want to do something about it

[JT14]

Firstly to echo what Luckydog2020 said previously, hope things work out for you.

Does kinda suck at times to feel like you are on your own. I've been there and got the t-shirt so I know how it feels.

Still get it sometimes where it would just be nice to even know that someone likes the idea of something with me, regardless whether actually going on to do them. Instead of feeling like some sort of outsider looking in from afar.

I just tell myself its their loss nowadays and try to carry on.

[Hugh]

Maybe move back to Birmingham? As you have said that you've got friends and some family up there.

If you are in a position to get people into your life, a social circle, then do it.

[Parsifal]

NDN1984:
A year ago in August you complained about being out of work for a long time and being desperate to return to work. How did that play out?

[Mikey32]

Nice post, I'm sorry that you're in this position. I'm the same, see my family all the time but not many more. I actually think social media makes people less open to real interaction as it's seen as good enough to interact there. I'm sports mad too and don't do the scene

[Hugh]

If you are in a position to move back to Birmingham and reconnect with the people that were in your life when you were there, go for it.


Not everyone can manage to make some friends.

[Luckydog2020]

NDN1984 ....

How are things going, would be good to vive an update and let everyone who have taken time out to read your post and give some (hopefully good) advice.