Age Differences

[RyCamp88]

So i was wondering what is your thoughts in age differences between two people, be it a relationship, situationship, flirtationship or friendship. What is appropriate what isn't and do you think as gay men we are judge differently on this subject over straight people. I will put it into context, I am 35 but over the past year i've become some what friendly with a 20 year old, he comes into my work often and we drink in each others company often enough, We are a bit flirty with each other in the way we speak and a few times we've been physically flirty with each other as in holding hands, or arms around each other, a few pecks on the cheek or lips, But this lad would class himself as straight, anyway point being recently i put a picture of us on my story the other day just having a shot and since then i feel like others are judging me for it as if i've been leading him to act that way, you know the typical dirty older gay man cliche. But as we see there is plenty of incidents of older women and younger men or older men and younger women and nothing is ever said about it, so again do you feel that as gay men we are judged differently on age gaps in society and do you any of you see anything wrong in my predicament ?

[ladsnet]

Nothing at all.

You'll have to give up presenting This Morning though.

[Hugh]

Depends on how big the gap is?

A 15 year ago gap between you and the guy is okay. If he's okay with you being 15 years older, go with the flow of the relationship between you two.
Might spend the next X amount of years together, or become great friends. As long you both happy with each other with whatever the relationship turns out to be

It is a bit shitty that there is some shittyness toward gay men and age gaps.
Mick Jagger has a 43 year age gap.
Al Pacino at 83 is 54 years older than his 29yo gf.

If things are going well with you and him, as I said, go with the flow.
Stop worrying about what other people think.

[Parsifal]

do you feel that as gay men we are judged differently on age gaps in society

I don't know and I don't care.

and do you any of you see anything wrong in my predicament ?

Absolutely not!  Just enjoy it (in a good way) however it turns out (best not to have expectations, just go with the flow).

Surely as gay men you all must be aware that there is a rather large cohort of young men looking for daddies or who just enjoy the experience of an older man and sometimes wish to learn some life lessons from an older man.  There are even a few dating websites/apps dedicated to those in those roles.  It's not an unusual situation in this day and age when the mantra of the day is to love whomever you wish.

Over the years I've had dates (and more) with young men in their 20s and 30s (I'm easily old enough to be their father).  I'm not a psychologist (but have had considerable contact with the profession), but my observation has been that many of them are looking to fill a void that was never satisfied when growing up.  Nothing wrong with an older man stepping up to the plate for such young men so long as your motive is not purely selfish (in other words, don't just kiss and run - although he might They still need to explore the world, try out the inventory for size.).

Right now, as I write this I have two 24-y/o's and one 26-y/o chatting me up on a website (and no, they are not looking for a sugar daddy), although I have my sights on a 41-y/o, and yesterday at Gay Pride in New York I became friendly with a 31-y/o who is visiting from abroad (I'm old enough to be his father too).  He asked for my phone number.  We're meeting again tomorrow.  Haven't fixed dates with the other three yet.

The thing to remember, and understand, that in an age gap relationship it is essential that both are genuine and, more important for the older man, that he put the best interests of the younger man before his own (the younger man is more vulnerable).  Professionally I'm often in a mentor role with younger professionals entering the field and I find that this experience works well when I'm engaged with a younger man socially/romantically.  It's actually a bit more complex than that so I'll have to think it through some more.

Good luck Ryan! 

EDIT:
I just checked my messages and got a message from another 24-y/o:
"heyyy how’s it going"

[RRUK01]

So i was wondering what is your thoughts in age differences between two people, be it a relationship, situationship, flirtationship or friendship. What is appropriate what isn't and do you think as gay men we are judge differently on this subject over straight people. I will put it into context, I am 35 but over the past year i've become some what friendly with a 20 year old, he comes into my work often and we drink in each others company often enough, We are a bit flirty with each other in the way we speak and a few times we've been physically flirty with each other as in holding hands, or arms around each other, a few pecks on the cheek or lips, But this lad would class himself as straight, anyway point being recently i put a picture of us on my story the other day just having a shot and since then i feel like others are judging me for it as if i've been leading him to act that way, you know the typical dirty older gay man cliche. But as we see there is plenty of incidents of older women and younger men or older men and younger women and nothing is ever said about it, so again do you feel that as gay men we are judged differently on age gaps in society and do you any of you see anything wrong in my predicament ?

I am 53 this year and my boyfriend is 33 there is a 20 year age gap and its the happiest I have ever been, he is mature for his age, and is a proper prince.. I have had relationships with guys the same age as me and none have lasted yet with my boyfriend we have been together for 6 years and going strong.. let people judge at the end of the day all that matters is what you both feel for each other..

[Hugh]

When yin and yan match up.

There's a 25 year age gap between Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.
They will celebrate their 23 wedding anniversary in November.

When things are right. the age gap won't matter

[RyCamp88]

I don't even know anything will happen, if he is curious, he might just be one of those flirty straight guys, but i do enjoy when we hang out.

[Hugh]

Enjoy the flirty banter. Hopefully there might be something there.
Enjoy the hanging out. If there's something there, it will come at some point.

Best that to happen than maybe ruin any chance to you might have

[RyCamp88]

Thanks everybody, I prob shouldn’t be airing my laundry on such a public platform, but the whole situation got me down and I guess sometimes it’s just good to vent to people you actually don’t know.

[Parsifal]

When in doubt I ask:
Do you have a girlfriend? No
Do you have a boyfriend? No
Which do you prefer? ...

If the guy is straight it usually goes:
Do you have a girlfriend? No
Do you have a boyfriend? Oh no no no no! I don't go there.
It usually goes well.

[joeyessexfan88]

I’ve always believed that age is nothing but just a number. If a 20 year old is with a 70 year old and they are both happy and consenting then I don’t see what the real issue is.

Problem today is people think they have the right to judge others when they really don’t.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your situation.

I do believe that as gay men we get judged more for an age difference than straight people too but then I also think if a straight man dates a younger girl it’s judged more than an older women dating a younger man.

[Parsifal]

if a straight man dates a younger girl

She's a tart.

an older women dating a younger man.

He's a boytoy.

[Monschein]

When people are dying a around you and not just older people you reach a point at which you become impervious to what other people think and just live for the moment!

If the two people concerned are happy with the arrangement then who gives a fiddler's fuck what the rest of the world thinks!

I now shop exclusively in the meat section but when I was partial to a bit of fish as well I remember going overboard to be acceptable to a Korean girl who was ten years younger than me! We loved each other but constraints of her society forbad her to wed a westerner! I invested a lot of time in that including eating copious amounts of dog to appease her family but all for nothing!

The church condemns me for having a biological child out of wedlock in North East Brazil!

The message is " if you are happy being 60 and dating a 35 year old who is equally happy with it then it is no business of anyone else!"

[Jack]

20 is grown-up; if they want to date 35 year olds, they should be able to.

[Parsifal]

20 is grown-up; if they want to date 35 55 year olds, they should be able to.