I'm feeling down about a guy

[TR83]

Last spring, I became really pally with a new friend of mine. I distinctly remember him sending a text which could've been interpreted as being suggestive. That, to me, kicked off a chain which, I felt, could've led to something more serious. The same night of the text, we met up and I felt he was being quite flirty in a fairly subtle way. I didn't make it known to him that I wanted more than just friendship, instead; trusting a process along the lines of fate. However, over the course of the ensuing months he mentioned women with  whom he had had dates and I still bided my time as ai feel that there was still some play in the process. Quite a few gay men may have 'dabbled' as it were, me included. So I played on. However, recently he mentioned a woman he has a crush on at work, so at that point, I knew it was over. The interesting thing is that he cited an age difference; he's 25 and she's 18. It's double that between him and I; I'm 39. Maybe that is a gap that is fairly difficult to bridge.

I thought I was cool about us not being an item and I might just be, but I've been feeling a bit down this year so far. Usually I love January as there's a lot of optimism in the air. The days getting longer are a massive factor, but this year, I feel no different as I did at Christmas.

[MintyRox]

I'm sorry you're feeling down about this chap, sounds like you misread the situation early on and may have inadvertently set yourself up to be disappointed.

Two questions though: 1) Did/does he know you are gay/into guys? 2) Why did you never ask him about his sexual orientation? If you were pally as you say, it should have been simple enough to find out if he had ever had any non-straight experiences or feelings.

A lot of the time gay guys, myself included, read into interactions with other guys based on our own inherent nature and quite often can falsely interpret camaraderie as flirting. That's why in the long run, it's just better to ask in my opinion.

I hope you can get over these low feelings and come to see the friendship for what it is/was. Are you still friends? Chin up, new year new start

[ken_85]

I had similar reactions once with a guy...I'm now married to him: he was deep in the closet, and he teased in fashions that sound very similar to what you're describing. I was only when I "gave up trying" that he got really jealous and realised how deep his own feelings (getting himself out of the closet in the process.)

Take advantage of the new year powers, dude. You don't need to talk about your feelings BUT...it might be worth asking him not to talk about this girl, because you're feeling a bit lonely yourself (and don't care about girls anyway.) While it might not be about him, he might notice that it's not the conversation he should be having with you.