Relationship trouble.

[AngelDeLaMort]

I’ve been seeing a guy for over a year, recently we got engaged.

The trouble is I’ve spent most of my 20s trying hard to find a committed relationship, and now that I’m in one I’m struggling. I love him so much and he makes me happy, but the thought of commitment is terrifying me I’m only in my early 30s and the idea of spending the rest of my life with one person panics me.

There is a guy at work, although our banter is more playful. Me and some people from work all went out for drinks and the guy was there, and in that moment I felt so good nothing happened with him, although I know if the opportunity arose I wouldn’t have resisted.

But my other issue comes into play, I don’t enjoy sex anytime I have had sex there has been no pleasure for me, so I usually just say yes to please the guy. I guess my main problem is I can’t be committed to a guy who is so into sex when I’m not, I’ve tried to drop hints that I’m not in any mood for it, but he seems to think it’s just a phase.

Any suggestions on what I should do? How to get over the guy from work and what to do with my partner.

[Welsh Cake]

So the guy from work is gay or just wishful thinking? If he is gay he will probably want sex you’ll need to make your excuses again.

Could you handle an open relationship? ie tell the boyf to fuck around all he likes while you tuck into a good book and a mug of horlicks in the evening?

[jdcyl]

If you really mean you haven’t enjoyed sex with anyone, you need to find a good sex therapist to determine what’s going on. That’s a big open-ended issue. (You derive genuine pleasure from masturbation? Or not that either? You always bottom for other guys because they’re always the ones who initiate, so you don’t know if you’d enjoy non-penetrative sex, other sex? And so on...).

Put off the wedding date until you find out more.

[Parsifal]

but the thought of commitment is terrifying me

Women complain about that with straight men all the time.  "They don't want to make a commitment."

I’m only in my early 30s and the idea of spending the rest of my life with one person panics me.

Don't mean to put a damper here, but many (most?) gay/male relationships don't last a lifetime.  So just enjoy it for however long you two are happy (even if yours is for a lifetime )

There is a guy at work, although our banter is more playful. Me and some people from work all went out for drinks and the guy was there, and in that moment I felt so good nothing happened with him, although I know if the opportunity arose I wouldn’t have resisted.

This situation will come up again and again for the rest of your life.  Get used to it.

But my other issue comes into play, I don’t enjoy sex anytime I have had sex there has been no pleasure for me, so I usually just say yes to please the guy. I guess my main problem is I can’t be committed to a guy who is so into sex when I’m not, I’ve tried to drop hints that I’m not in any mood for it, but he seems to think it’s just a phase.

If you really mean you haven’t enjoyed sex with anyone, you need to find a good sex therapist to determine what’s going on.  That’s a big open-ended issue.  (You derive genuine pleasure from masturbation?  Or not that either?  You always bottom for other guys because they’re always the ones who initiate, so you don’t know if you’d enjoy non-penetrative sex, other sex?  And so on...).

Like he said.  Find a good sex therapist.
(I thought only women get headaches at sex time)

Put off the wedding date until you find out more.

Wise advice.

[Duncan]

but the thought of commitment is terrifying me

Women complain about that with straight men all the time.  "They don't want to make a commitment."

I’m only in my early 30s and the idea of spending the rest of my life with one person panics me.

Don't mean to put a damper here, but many (most?) gay/male relationships don't last a lifetime.  So just enjoy it for however long you two are happy (even if yours is for a lifetime )

There is a guy at work, although our banter is more playful. Me and some people from work all went out for drinks and the guy was there, and in that moment I felt so good nothing happened with him, although I know if the opportunity arose I wouldn’t have resisted.

This situation will come up again and again for the rest of your life.  Get used to it.

But my other issue comes into play, I don’t enjoy sex anytime I have had sex there has been no pleasure for me, so I usually just say yes to please the guy. I guess my main problem is I can’t be committed to a guy who is so into sex when I’m not, I’ve tried to drop hints that I’m not in any mood for it, but he seems to think it’s just a phase.

If you really mean you haven’t enjoyed sex with anyone, you need to find a good sex therapist to determine what’s going on.  That’s a big open-ended issue.  (You derive genuine pleasure from masturbation?  Or not that either?  You always bottom for other guys because they’re always the ones who initiate, so you don’t know if you’d enjoy non-penetrative sex, other sex?  And so on...).

Like he said.  Find a good sex therapist.
(I thought only women get headaches at sex time)

Put off the wedding date until you find out more.

Wise advice.

When has a woman ever in the history of this planet ever complained about commitment with a straight man? It's usually the other way round.

[Luckydog2020]

Well said Duncan !

[Sawatarman]

You must be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Maybe your sex has become too dull, and you should try something new so that you want to do it with your boyfriend again. Sometimes it's worth trying a threesome and something like that. But it is essential to talk openly about your desires and needs with your partner. In addition, I do not recommend finding a permanent partner for sex, as this will already be a complicated relationship. Just find a fuckbuddie and maybe sometimes do it as a threesome. You should also get your pleasure from sex.